you've got nothing to lose except for me and you;

and I love that attitude, when you know I can do
I'll do better than you.

From now on, I will title and probably include song lyrics in each post. For fun. I'll even tell you the song. Sometimes.

Todays song is Liquid Confidence by You Me At Six.

And yes, the last one was Bad Romance Bromance by Lady GaGa.

They may or may not be relevant to how I feel or anything, but they'll be stuck in my head at least.

On with the show. Estoy muy cansado, pero soy feliz! (I love how you're to use two different verbs there!) This afternoon, I planned to go to sleeeeeeep, because I'm really tired. As in, almost fell asleep in Biology tired. However, I received a letter. From Oxford. About the UNIQ Summer School.

...I freaking got accepted!

Which means I basically have an extra week of academic work added on to this term. Funsies. No, really :)

Beyond that, today has been reasonably okay. I'm happy now, happy that I'm comfortable as me, even with all my faults. Excited too, Hikari, Clara, Lauren and I are going for lunch together on Tuesday. Not Monday - bank holiday for the winnnn!

We went to Chiquitos last night, yummy nachos, enchiladas and the most delicious chocolate cheesecake I have ever tasted. Divine.

A weekend full of revision and maybe, maybe harrassing best friends lies ahead. &sleep, lots and lots of sleep.

We are an example of why not to fall in love.

I want your love; I don't wanna be friends.

Since my breakdown/migraine on Monday that kept me at home, this week so far (ie; two days) has been pretty good.

Okay, so I'm still secretly (not so much now) completely petrified of being at college. Otherwise, life's not too shabby (minus insecurities, exams and homework!) (I'm a barrel of contradictions.)

Because I've realised, I have the world right at my fingertips. No, I don't mean technology. What I mean is, I have so much choice. Anything - anything that takes my fancy is well within my reach. I could be so many things, meet so many people, see so many places.

What's more, I don't need anyone else. No need for boring deadweights here.

Although I do plan to drag my best friends along for the ride.

I feel stimulated at the moment. On Saturday, I went to Amy's party (despite wanting to crawl away from the world). I met some really fun, interesting people. I also realised what I really wanted all along.

Other stuff I wanted to say, but I'm tooooo tired!

Oh, fuck you all.

I really could punch someone in the face right now. Anyone.

Anyone intending to screw me over would, for once, be unwise to try it.

Today has been the day from hell.

General complaints include:

• A grand total of 45 minutes sleep, how refreshed I feel.
• Migraines
• Not eating properly
• Travel sickness
• Exam timetable fuckedness
• Pre-exam freak-out and nervous breakdown
• Horrible film in RE
• Not existing to nearly everyone I care about
• Lost iPod
• Mum. 'Nuff said.
• Everything from last nights blog x50 (lack of sleep does that)
• Prodding fucking grass for an entire hour
• Recording machines, they scare the shit out of me
• People being general dicks
• Hormones, woo!
• All typical teenage-girl issues, ftw
• Worry about a wonderful best friend
• Being behind on so much work
• Maths first thing in the morning, seriously. Not when I'm tired, guys.

I could go on and on and on but I'm making myself feel much worse. I want to sleep, scream and suffocate people. My nerves are shot to pieces.

Who's bright idea was it to have me sitting three exams on the same day, and then having THREE WEEKS exam free? Seriously, what!?

Everything and I mean everything is such a mess. I hope tomorrow makes things feel slightly better.

Because after that I'm isolating myself to revision completely for 6-9 weeks.

Laters, if I don't completely lose my mind.

I can do the frug;

I can do the robocop
I can do the freddie
I cannot do the smurf.

This should be short because I'm really, really tired.

I'm slowly (read: rapidly) driving myself completely insane. More than I was before. Maybe I've already hit that point. I can't tell anymore. On that note, I probably have crossed the line.

Where is the fucking line!?

I'm going to say one thing loud and clear right now:

I fucking hate your guts.

and no matter how much I try to convince myself that's the cold, honest truth, it gets me nowhere. At all. It just makes everything feel so much worse.


If I actually hated anyone, it'd probably be myself for being utterly pathetic and crossing over into territories I swore I never would. Irrelevant.

The real truth is... I actually can't admit it. Not in words. Not anymore. That would make it real. If it's real, it'll hurt more, right?

Anyway, it's not like I overanalyse every word, every action. It's not at all like I'm internally freaking out because I feel like you no longer care at all. It's not like I struggle to hold myself together in public. It's not like I've stopped feeling like myself. It's not like I've been losing sleep or anything.

It's nothing like that, at all.

Because, the more I stay in denial the safer I am. Being honest doesn't help matters.

You've really fucked my head up, fucker.

Night.

so tell me when...

...it's time to say i love you.

Green Day write and play incredible songs, bitch.

This morning, our dearly beloved hamster, Panda, passed away. It appears Dougie tried to bury him in bedding and sawdust. That really touched me.

Otherwise, the day was pretty good. Chemistry was alright, so was Biology. We has a nice natter in Doctor Who club too.

My free, however, was the icing on the cake. Amy ditched the Graphics work to come have fun with me. We went for a wander into town where I picked up some new clips for my hair (big ones with cute, colourful flowers - Amy suggested them as they apparently suit me to a tee) and we found her a (second) present for her birthday. The people taking apart the Subway near college (to move it) gave us some vouchers, so we headed off to Subway (one that wasn't on the move) and had a nice pig out. I love Subway, really I do.

I love my frees on Wednesday, they're always the highlight of my week (way too short though!). On Mondays I sleeeeeep and I just leave early on Thursdays. I should probably be working. Should.

I prefer the alternatives though. :)

I've also found a pirate set to jazz up my outfit for Amy's party on Saturday, it will be lovely-jubbly. :) I'm really excited, just what I need to make me feel involved with my friends, y'know.

To finish, happy birthday Amy for tomorrow, of course :)

Love, hugs and bye-bye time,
Spaikaepaiiiii!

Today, I hugged an idiot.

My stomach hurts, I'm tired and hugging an idiot made me feel rather giddy inside. I have the urge to hug a garden gnome right now. I won't though. Not only would I get weird looks sitting outside cradling a garden gnome to my buxom (ha!) we don't actually have any anyway. Life sucks.

Not.

I got two lollies today. TWO! I swear I could eat my own weight in lollipops, brownies and flapjacks (that's a lot as well, I'm very heavy.)

Would do absolutely nothing for my self-image but goodness, that would be so, so delicious.

Oh, I forgot about my mocha/gingerbread latte from Costa. That's also important.

Do you know when bad things happen and you feel really down for quite a while afterwards. Then things feel brighter and happier again. I'm wondering why things have reverted back. Maybe I'm just being too pensive and melancholy at the moment. Maybe it's just because today has been quite cloudy. I thrive off sunshine.

It is a bit sunny though, yay.

Today I decided to apply to be a Student Mentor. I remember when I started Newman, I acted completely out of character and just threw myself in. Inside, I was terrified. What if my friends from All Hallows ditched me? What if no one else liked me? What if I became some freak loner who ended up failing or dropping out?

Thankfully, none of that happened. I stayed friends with most of my old friends (infact, some of those friendships have improved greatly) and made some wonderful, wonderful new ones. In the mean time, I also managed to keep on top of all my work and have a good time.

But, it was scary. Really, really scary. Some people will have it a lot worse than me too. I feel like I owe it to Newman anyway, I'm a much happier, more confident person than I was mere months ago.

I like helping people too. :)

Besides, Heather's starting Newman in September. I'll have an excuse to stick to her like glue without looking like a right weirdo.

Tomorrow, I will become a work of art <3! Clara's painting me with a magnifying glass infront of my eye for her art exam. It's disturbing on soooooo many levels!

& I pick up my new glasses. I've managed to wear them all day without chucking them across the room in a "I don't see why I need to wear them all the time, dammit!" paddy.

:)

Flying Saucer Attack!

Today was a good day :) I've only got to leave my hair a couple more months until it's a decent length, so I'm not hacking it all off yet - it's exciting being so close, I haven't had hair anywhere near my shoulders since I was about six!

I went into town to have my eyes tested. My eyesight has actually improved, but I should wear the new glasses I'm getting constantly to prevent myself from losing them. Yes, I'm an idiot. I have a short attention span. I pick up on silly details and forget stuff that's important like the fact I can't see clearly. So bloody sue me!

Actually, I have wandered around looking for my glasses whilst wearing them. Good times.

Whilst I was ditched in town I bought Costa to go and bumped into Cheetos. The one and only amazing star! & her mother. Cheetos' mum has got it goin' on... You can see where this is going :'D

Anyway, Sue decided to relieve herself of her daughter by dumping her on me. Fun times (y). We blew ten minutes talking to this preacher woman who whispered everything - it was a laugh. ("She needs to learn to shout like you. You could convert anyone out of fear of their heads exploding from the sheer volume." "I'm not that loud!" "...You've been shouting for ages. You never talk!")

Then, after the wind tried to be perverted and peek up Cheetos' skirt one time too many, we decided to go into the Mall. And buy a huge milkshake between the two of us. Flying saucer flavour (hence the blog title). With Refreshers. & whipped cream. Needless to say I got a wee bit giddy.

So, we sat outside an empty, abandoned shop like men. We don't do ladylike. Deal. During that time we drank our yummytastic milkshake and discussed (read: bitched) about certain people (read: fagface, dickhead, shit-for-brains & others). & womens problems. & politics. & my theory that the Conservative party is really an alien plot to take over earth. ...Maybe they're daleks.

Then we played the "I jizzed in my pants" game until we had to go our separate ways.

Yes, I just watched Doctor Who (y)

But I digress, today has been wonderfully fun as any day with Cheetos' in is. & our looooong milkshake conversation helped me sort some stuff out in my head. Nothing like your slaaaaaag of a best friend to knock some sense into you sympathetically (and occasionally with physical violence.)

I love her really. More than I could ever love you :P (Unless you are her. Obviously)

I have the best bestfriend I could wish for.

Night kiddos!

Aliens.

David Cameron is one. That's what I've learned in RE this week (:

Seriously though, that would be fucking awesome. Like Doctor Who but in real life. Aliens trying to conquer earth. It's all because he has hair. That was the giveaway. Tory leaders don't have hair.

Aside from that, I'm in a reasonably good mood right now because I am no longer ill! I have been very, very poorly recently and now I am over that. There's a few issues, probably down to hormonal slip-ups than anything but aside from my intermittent desire to punch certain people in the face, hard, (something I'm likely incapable of) life has been pretty good.

I'm reminiscing Remember Me *sob* with Lauren and our Pizza Hut escapaded. I love Pizza Hut, really I do.

...I wonder if the Mother Pizza Heather and I had was a present from the aliens. They should know we're too young to vote, sorry.

Oh, and delicious, awesome brownies. That I made with Claramon =3. She's giving me the recipe, my mum and I are going to try and conquer them this weekend. Or divide. DIVIDE AND CONQUER BIATCH.

Besides that, my life has been a blur of college work, vomiting (no more!) and Digimon. 'Cause I'm cool like that.

Sunny days abound, yay. Speaking of which, I was in Manchester on Sunday and Sandi and family have invited me to go to Spain with them this summer. See, life is fucking awesome. Anyone who says otherwise can live with me and I'll give them lovely hugs and stuff!

Do you ever get the feeling that you really should just give up on a lost cause? Like, completely give up, not just back away from the issue a little. I feel like that a bit right now. Which is weird, because I never give up on stuff. I can be kind of stubborn and very determined at times. If I wasn't, I'd have failed maths already. Speaking of which, I heaaaart Decision, even if everyone else hates it.

Don't worry baby, I still love you!

Over and/or out. I need to find some extraterrestrials to take me to their leader.

P.S.  I was apparently born like E.T. Cool, huh? :)